Savage Love: Turned on by being cheated on

Everyone is weird, so no one is weird

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I’m a straight man who was recently dumped over text by a woman after we dated for about four months. I thought we were in love, but she said she doesn’t have room for a relationship in her life right now.

I know this is BS. I think she dumped me so that she could sleep with another guy. In fact, I think I know who the guy is. Anyways, I recently had some rebound sex (it was awesome), and the whole time during it, all I could think about was my ex-girl sleeping with this other guy, and it kind of turned me on. Am I weird?
Moving On, Remembering Ex


When you say you know “this is BS,” MORE, I trust you’re referring to the text she sent when she dumped you — “I don’t have room for a relationship right now” — because that is definitely bullshit. People say that to be kind, and it’s our job to hear what they’re really saying: “I’m not interested in being in a relationship with you, right now or ever.” But if what you mean by “this is BS” is that she loves you too but had to call it off to go fuck some other guy and you still might have a shot with her, please disabuse yourself of that belief.

Now, in answer to your question, MORE, you’re not weird. I don’t think your reaction is typical, but variance is the norm when it comes to human sexuality. It’s high time we all embraced this bit of cognitive dissonance: Everyone is weird, so no one is weird.
If you and your ex are still speaking/texting, and you think you may be on potential future-FWB terms, MORE, you could go for broke and tell her about your weird-but-not-weird (and unexpected) reaction to the thought of her with this other guy. If your convos gravitate toward sex or sexy memories—mutually—let her know you’re up for either a FWB/MMF threesome sometime or some cuckolding-themed dirty texting. She may be game, she may not be—but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

ITMFA! Let people know you want to impeach the motherfucker already! Get ITMFA buttons, T-shirts, hats, mugs, lapel pins, and more at ITMFA.org. All proceeds benefit the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, and the International Refugee Assistance Project.

On the Lovecast, dating someone with borderline personality disorder—it ain’t pretty: savagelovecast.com.

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