Savage Love: Memento

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I got divorced five years ago after a 15-year marriage that produced two children who are now 13 and 6. When their mother moved out, she left pretty much everything. I took the wedding mementos — dress, video, photo albums — and threw them in a trunk. I have not looked at them since. Last night, my girlfriend of almost a year told me she thinks it is “really fucked up” that I still have this stuff. Is it?
Box Of Mementos Bothers


It’s not, BOMB. Your marriage is a part of your past — it shaped the man you are today, the man your current girlfriend claims to love — and your children are a product of that marriage. Even if you never looked at those items again, even if they held no sentimental value for you (and it’s fine if they do), one day your children might want to see those pictures or watch that video or handle that dress. And any attempt to erase your first marriage — by stuffing those items down the memory hole — could be interpreted by your children as evidence that you would have erased them too, if you could have.

Your girlfriend is a grown-up, and she needs to act like one. She’s free to think it’s fucked up that you still have those wedding mementos, of course, but it’s ultimately none of her business and she needs to STFU about it.


On the Lovecast, we love Lindsey Doe from Sexplanations, and you will too: savagelovecast.com.

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