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38th Street construction delayed

Another delay in th

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Another delay in the construction project to beautify the 38th Street corridor was announced today, bringing the total number of announced delays to 46, stretching back over the past 16 years. While local residents generally took the news with a shrug of the shoulders - after all, many have been through this before - a few citizens were outraged. Hal Deckard has lived at 37th Street and Pennsylvania for 30 of his 54 years, and says he will likely die before the project is completed. "It's crazy," he told NUVO. "I mean, when I drive by the workers, they're, well, they're moving in slow motion." "It's not slow motion, but actually Tai Chi," explained head of the Department of Tai Chi (DOT) Sampra Yang. "Our workers are fully trained in this ancient martial arts. We feel it will lead to a more lasting finished product if in fact we are spiritual and determined in our practice." The Indiana Society for the Dominance of Christianity (ISDC) disagrees. ISDC spokesperson Susan Matthew issued this written statement: "We just don't approve of our transportation workers utilizing crackpot religions like Tea Chee. If they want to descend on bended knee from time to time to thank the Good Lord for shovels and cars and whatnot, that's fine. But please, no Buddha gobbledegook." DOT's Sampra Yang, when informed of ISDC's position, grumbled, "Typical Christians," then quickly bowed in apologetic fashion. Resident Hal Deckard, meanwhile, lamented the fact that nearly all the businesses along 38th Street have long since closed. "By the time 38th Street re-opens - if ever - there won't be nothing left to visit." The one remaining business, Starbucks at 38th and Meridian, has been able to remain open largely by the fact that - supported by the giant parent company - they offer free drinks and breadstuffs to customers who are able to navigate the obstacle course. "I tried it once," Deckard said, "and nearly got killed. Only person I personally know who made it all the way to Starbucks is a triathlete."

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