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Just IN Sports Report: Day 1



Hello, fellow Indiana sports fans. I am Buck Hoosierman — 59-time Olympic gold-medal winner in wrestling, basketball, boxing and decathlon, among other sports. I know sports very good. Very American. I grew up in Indianatown, Indiana, taught Bob Knight how to basketball, and won many Indy 500 1st Place trophies. I am the new sports reporter, columnist, editor and ranking Generalstaböffiziere of Just IN Sports — the only sports journalism you can trust. Let us get to this current day’s sports news items.

First, our beloved Pacers play tonight at the privately owned/maintained Bankers Life Fieldhouse against the Raptors of Toronto, who are in town for our world-class medical care because their socialist homeland would rather death-panel them instead of treating their coughs. Talk about stupid! Did you know that our Courageous Governor Mike Pence signed into law a bill that prevents socialist Canadian mooches from sneaking down here under the cover of night and stealing your prescription medicines from your cabinet because under Obamacare they can? Sorry, “President” Nobummer, NOT ON GOVERNOR PENCE’S WATCH. The Pacers will try to win their second game in a row! They had lost seven in a row because they rejected Jesus into their hearts. Then they accepted Jesus on Monday night and were victorious. Coincidence? The LAMEstream media wants you to believe that!

Second sports news item: DeflateGate. The liberal media’s conspiracy against Tom Brady and his Patriots continues full-steam ahead because, as Nobel Prize-winning author/astronaut/4-Star General W. James Antle III puts it, the LIEbrals are jealous of Tom Brady. In his masterfully penned screed, “Tom Brady And The Liberal War On Success,” Antle knocks it out of the park folks:

The same politics of envy that liberals exploit to make some people crave tax increases on the wealthy has turned you against the winningest quarterback of our time, a hero to the blue-collar and culturally conservative parts of the Bay State, a true Patriot.

God knows. Real PATRIOTS know. Hard-working AMERICANS know. Tom Brady did not cheat. Oh sure the Obama-bots in the media want you to believe that he did, just like they want you to believe in tax-hikes for the rich, how gay people are non-violent, and science. Remember: first they came for Tom Brady and you said nothing. Then they put you in FEMA camps where you died. Don’t be fooled, gang. Tom Brady is just successful at throwing footballs because Supreme Governor Mike Pence taught him how to quarterback good and now jealous libtards are jealous.

This concludes today’s sports news items communique. May you walk with God and may He shine His Countenance upon you.



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