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Pizza: The bad and the ugly

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Most of the ideas I got for this issue were inspired by things I saw on the pinning website. That also means that I encountered many pizza abominations on the site. "Crafty" types have been busy turning perfectly good, flat pizza into a variety of horrifying shapes.

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Pizza cupcakes

(from thereciperebel.com)

No. Just, no. I don't understand why this is any easier than just putting pepperoni and and cheese onto, you know, a big disk of dough and cutting into individual servings. This seems to be the product of too many diet pills and not enough day job. Plus, the use of wonton wrappers means you get an eggroll crunch on the outside of pizza goo. Horrible.

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Pizza puffs

(from pintester.com)

Again, I ask you: Why? Now the author says that this is the best use for old fridge ingredients like a half-empty jar of marinara sauce and old grated parmesan. In the sense that this is a better stop along the food waste train than going directly into the garbage, I'd have to agree. I, however, think those leftovers deserve better than to end up as chewy balls of pizza-ish "muffin" dipped in cold spaghetti sauce like a holy communion to the Patron Saint of Ennui, but that's just me.

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Pizza cones

(from pilsbury.com)

Were you looking for a way to turn pizza into a wet chalice of failure? Well, look no further! This monstrosity basically corrals your grease mess into a drinkable saturated fat puddle, leaving one hand free to call your mother and tell her what a huge failure you are. Not only does this recipe require way too much prep time for what you're left with, but God forbid one of those things tips over in the oven and leaves an ocean of mozzarella to crust upon the bottom of your oven.

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Zucchini Pizza Bites

(from damndelicious.com)

FUCK YOU TOO, CHUNGHA.


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