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Rogers: "Milk" isn't a cure for the chronic willies

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So like any self-respecting, progressive, forward thinking, liberal dude, I went to see Milk at the Landmark with my female significant other. I actually hand-picked the movie for us due to its political activism, historical significance, and Sean Penn's acting prowess. I remember the real Harvey and the tragedy of his murder. But despite what Ed Johnson-Ott says in his otherwise right-on review, (four stars out of five) and despite more frequent future de-sensitizing, I think I'm always destined to get the willies when two guys kiss and aren't in it for comedy or Mafia relief, or aren't French, or aren't related by blood.

To paraphrase the classicly sympathetic words of invocator apparent and recently self-proclaimed gay activist Rick Warren, I like gay people and some of my best friends are gay people. So why is it that some spider-and-snake skin crawling will always be a part of my repertoire when watching Brokeback love?

I certainly don't have any problem at all with two chicks in a lip lock. After all, it almost seems like a mainstay theme of Girls Gone Wild, doesn't it? I think that California Prop 8 was a total miscarriage, a mistake of wrong thinking, and a civil rights issue. I even knew one of the Queer Eye guys. I'm not threatened and don't think being gay is learned behavior any more than my own overt feelings for the opposite sex. But I gotta admit there's something innately unsettling to me about two guys trading spit for real.

I have to say that major public displays of affection are boorish for any sexual orientation group. I'm not totally thrilled with two of anything, people, squirrels, dogs, or rhinos, going at it in plain public view. I would also say that when the Gay Pride or the Macy's Parade becomes a showcase for total nudity, I'll turn to Disney. Let's leave total nudity where it belongs; Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

So while I'm totally behind the cause and will buy the cookies, vote the candidates that sympathize, and support the movement wholeheartedly at the ballot box, don't expect that my gay guy makeout willies will go into remission anytime soon. And I doubt I'm alone here.

Hey, do gay guys get the willies at the thought of me French kissing my best girl? Just wondering. If so, I'll try to do it in private and keep the total nudity to the beaches of St. Martin.

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